Forget Me Not

I saw my friend Cristina re-share a flyer for an exhibition called "Forget Me Not" by Victoria. The show had my attention since then and knowing the show was in Austin meant...that I could possibly go see it. To my luck the show got another date added being February 28th. On my list of things to do and see, was this solo exhibition. I've never been to Saint Edwards and I've only driven to Austin about once? So this drive sure was a doozy.

Upon entering the fine arts building (after figuring out how to get in) I was taken back by the title itself. Seeing the projections, reading the bio, and taking each piece one by one as Victoria spoke to those in the room. I have much to share, but that will be with Victoria's interview!

Victoria, Photo by Maryssa Rose Chavez

Speaking to Victoria at the exhibition I told them about how I interpreted the title

as Not forgetting who Vic is, but reading more into it. There's combination of so many other things. Could you give a big a brief explanation on the title itself? As Vic explains "Yeah, I was thinking about the memories that I've forgotten. I feel like my memory isn't the best. After experiencing trauma, I feel like my memory has been kind of shot and like that bothers me. When I was thinking about the art work, I was thinking about memories, the memories that I do remember in my childhood? The good ones. Looking back at photos, and it's sort of a way to say, that I don't want to forget those memories, but at the same time, I'm honoring my grandparents, and my family members who have passed and so. That's also a way of hoping that they remember me. Also Forget Me Not is a flower, and it's the symbol for Alzheimer's, and my grandmother had Alzheimer's." My memory isn't that great or rather it's quite selective in what I want to remember and who I wish to remember. Especially If I write what has been done or what we've done in my journal so it may last "forever." Looking at the videos, the imagery presented reminded me of my grandma who has Alzheimer's which has progressed for the worst. While she struggles to remember me, I remember the family visit to Roma. It's especially scary when you think about who or may not have it next within the family.

Photo by Brian Fitzsimmons

I want to mention that in Mexican households there isn't a lot of video that is collected. Recordings of ourselves throughout our childhoods is almost non-existent, but we always had photo albums like numerous amounts of photo. Is there any way besides video work that you archive your memories? Do you have any photo albums or? Stories you keep in mind or writings as Vic goes on to say "Yeah, my grandma has so many photo albums, and that was a way for you to remember everything. My mom just has like a tub of photos, and I want to start putting them in albums, like how my grandma did. In regards when it comes to touching on video for me. I think it's a way for me to remember and document? Because I feel like I don't know too much about my family other than my parents and my grandparents. I know we've been in the valley for a long time, I just don't know how far it goes, if we have family in Mexico? Things like that. So for me, I feel like I'm trying to start that archive of my family, you know, in my life.

Photo by Maryssa Rose Chavez

What you'll see is the importance archiving family memories. Whether it's personal, something you see or a story someone else tells you. It just has to do with what I said, my memory is so bad. If we just keep talking about our family, memories and things that are not going to be remembered or passed down and eventually might get lost in translation that in the end I think it's important to archive and also at the same time preserve our culture." I ended up starting my own photo album (well two since I finished the first album) and the first photo as soon as you open to page one, it's my parents. The following photos are college memories, friends, events, gifts that fit in the album, little things that slightly stick out or things I find. I am not recording a lot on video, but hard photos I am. While my parents have photos of the family that was once together, things changes, folks separate or family becomes smaller. but the photos may be "family", but there's also family I've created for myself. As Victoria mentioned "I feel like I'm trying to start that archive of my family, you know, in my life." I'll be looking through my photo album once I'm done with this.

Now we've decided to go through the pieces one by one. Victoria shares the first piece "So, the bed is titled, Forget Me Not after the exhibition. This one's sort of about my relationship with my mom. When we used to share beds in the past. In my work, it's about sexual trauma that I've experienced, but here I wanted to talk about my relationship with her. I sort of slept with her for a long time, growing up as a child, and then, when my dad left at the same time, her best friend passed away suddenly, and so I started sleeping with her again, and I was like 14. So it's just interesting to think about the tie that her and I have to a bed. I recorded her eyes for the pillows. I used iPads in the pillows, and so you're able to see her eyes. And I wanted to focus on the blue circle around her eyes that she's developing due to aging. We have gloves with red fingernails sort of as a tribute to, señora culture and also femininity and masking and things like that, and there's also rosary, and I was thinking of the bed being low and the the gloves being positioned that way. It sort of looks like you're looking down in a coffin and the way that the hands are placed are the way that they would be in a coffin as well. So, yeah, that's Forget Me Not." I got teary eyed looking upon this piece. It reminded me of my mom. Reminded me of my mom as a provider and how she continues to work in various ways. The way she keeps a rosemary by her bed especially by her side. The gloves especially in bright colors. I think about the way the house started as. One room with the bed, kitchen, t.v, dresser, and a restroom down a hallway. My crib by their bed. It really all just came back to me, that it lead me to ask Vic if their mom was a provider by chance "a provider by chance for my grandma or in general? She's a teacher." I saw the the gloves and listening to you explaining the senora culture. It reminded me of my mom. She's been a provider ever since. The gloves, the sink. The gloves are sort there and the cleaning supplies. I went with her everywhere. Every house that she went to, I went along with her.

Going on to the 2nd piece called Entre Mundos "The sink was inspired by my grandma, who has Alzheimer's. I feel like when I would wake up in the middle of the night, or stay up until 2 A.M., I would go to the kitchen and she’d be washing dishes or cleaning something. It’s interesting to think about what we forget and what we remember. She forgot who we were, but she still remembered how to clean. It’s just an interesting concept to me. I think it’s also a commentary on Mexican women being housekeepers, the kind of people you hire to clean your house. The labor that goes into that and how little they get paid. So, yeah, memory and labor are really central themes in this piece. As I installed the work, I was also thinking about the connection to water, particularly the river that separates Texas and Mexico. There’s a video of fish in the piece. I was thinking about how, for some reason, everyone’s first pet seems to be a fish. It’s something that’s easy to take care of, so you don’t accidentally kill it."

As you’re talking about archives and memories, I think about this blog post as an archive of your stories—your tellings, your memories. It’s a way for folks to not just learn about your experiences but also share them with others. I can already see your videos being passed around (via social media), even when I first got here with folks documenting and speaking to you. It’s interesting to think about the way stories pass on. I think about how people physically pass away, but their stories continue. Even if we’ve heard the same story over and over, it’s still important to share them. It’s about love and care, no matter how many times the story has been told. "I remember the last time I saw my grandpa—I only had one left, out of both sides of my grandparents. He always tells the story of how he met my grandma. I’ve heard it so many times, but the last time, I recorded it. It was supposed to play in this space, but after hearing the silence and the sound of the AC, I thought maybe I’ll save the audio and use it in a different piece." I look forward to seeing how that piece comes out.

Tender Cuts " I decided to put blinds in this space to separate the indoor area, which includes the bed and the sink, from the outdoor space, which has the playground, the pool, and the piñata. I was also thinking about how, when I think back to when my grandmas were in the kitchen, providing for everybody and cooking meals, they would also be looking out. They were just peering out, and I don't know what they were thinking. I don't know if they were thinking about their day or something else. It felt like a disassociating moment, and I feel like that's something they would experience. I projected that onto them, along with clips of me washing and cutting fruits and vegetables. I actually found archival footage of a woman washing and cutting fruits and vegetables. She was wearing a red gingham dress, and instead of just projecting that, I wanted to embody her. So, I recreated the video, but it’s all highly saturated. I edited it in post-production, just to add color. I really love color, and if it wasn’t edited with vibrant colors, I feel like it would be dull, and not as happy. The intent is for this to capture those good memories and keep their memory alive. I love how it projects onto the back of the blinds and even onto the piñata as well. I thought of the name Tender Cuts because every time my mom cuts things, she's so gentle. She's never cut herself, and she’s just a really gentle person. I love that about her." Our house also has a little window in the kitchen that you can see out of, but not into. I'm sure my mom has watched me countless of times when I was younger when I would be with my neighbors or my playing with my dog. Now we have stray cats that have made their home in our front yard and sometimes they'll lay down on the little porch of that one window and my mom will get so SO excited! The indoor and outdoor spaces really hold hmmm I want to say "stereotypical" cultures? With the men and women being in their "designated" spots of the house. Especially when it came to family gatherings. When Vic told me that they recreated the video, the dress reminded me of my the same dress/apron my mom has, but in blue.

One thing that I told Vic was even though I may be 5 hours away from home, away from the valley, away from my parents, and where my memories belong. Being here, right now. It's as if I've never left home.

Is video your primary form of expression? How did you get into that?

You mentioned you saw the video, but you recreated it yourself for Tender Cuts or even the fish in the water, that you could have just used any royalty-free video, but you ended up making your own. Was there a moment when video just called to you? As Vic explains "Yeah, so I always knew I wanted to be an artist in high school. I was always taking art classes, but I wasn’t good at drawing or painting. I don’t know what it was that told me I wanted to be an artist because I wasn’t good at it. I didn’t really know that there was anything beyond drawing, painting, and sculpture. I went to college at St. Edwards and decided to major in art and psychology, though I later dropped psychology to a minor. We had to take foundation classes, so I was taking drawing and painting, but I wasn’t good at it. My friend, who was in the art courses, started doing video, so I decided to experiment with it. My first video, as I mentioned earlier, was made after I had experienced some trauma and didn’t know how to talk about it. I decided to make a video about it, and I feel like that really helped me. I had to stand in front of my class and talk about it. You wouldn't necessarily know what the video was about just by watching it, but I had to talk about it in front of everyone. That helped me a lot, and I think ever since then, I just decided that I was going to make videos. I think I’m good at it. I also work in video at my job at an art museum in Austin, so it’s just all around me all the time. I love movies and films, and I just feel like video is a magical experience in a way that maybe painting, drawing, or sculpture aren’t. They definitely have their own magic, but casting the light of projections does something different for me. And I think with the themes and concepts I’m talking about, all of the layers in my work, video just works. At the time when I was in college, I struggled with the idea of using royalty-free videos, and I thought it was a hard time for me to consider that as art. Sometimes I still struggle with the idea that my work is art, especially when I just place a sink I bought somewhere and project onto it. But I think creating my own videos makes it feel more like my work, and that helps me get over that feeling. I’m not saying projecting found videos isn’t art—because it definitely is—but I really enjoy the process of creating my own videos and editing everything. I’m a bit controlling, and art allows me to do that." Whether you let the art guide you or you take it by the horns are things I've heard from artists, but hey we make it work somehow! I find it fascinating that Victoria took the time to re-create certain videos to their own liking and feeling. To feel, to be in that "space" that "bubble" to see how it's like. I catch myself looking outside that kitchen window, but it's not the same. I wonder what went through Vic's mind/what certain memory appeared creating Tender Cuts.

Is this your first solo exhibition? "Yes."

Have you shown your video work elsewhere?

"Yes, I made a short film and submitted it to a few places. I’ve shown it three times. I also did a residency last year with five or six other residents, and we did a group exhibition. That was interesting because I did a video for that, but other than that, I’ve never had a show just for myself."

Do you feel this is a very different experience from your past experiences?

"Oh, for sure. I feel like I’ve been needing a space to do my work. I’ve been here since 2016, and I feel like I haven’t had the opportunities other people have had, or maybe I haven’t made enough work. So having a show and being able to install my work is really important. I’m a video installation artist, so it’s really important to have spaces to show my work. Now, I feel really proud. I feel like this show shows a little bit of what I can do. Before, I was just showing work through a screen, but now I can actually install it."

Could we see the piñata next? "The piñata is sort of an added element that I decided to include just because I thought it would look cool. Initially, my idea for it was to create a video of me hitting the piñata with a green screen in the background and then project that onto the playground next to it. However, we ran into issues with adding another projector, and I also didn’t really like how the video turned out. So, I decided it would be a good thing to just include it in the space.

It does something really cool, too. Because the AC is on, it rustles, and there’s no sound in the space, so it becomes a little meditative. There’s candy underneath it, and it's hung up really high, which makes you feel small again. I want everyone to feel like a kid in this space." The shadows it creates on the video projection in the background remind me of birthdays or barbecue hangouts, where moms would be looking through the window. The piñata’s there, the sunset’s there, and the candy’s there. Even though the piece is somewhat mismatched, I think it tells a collaborative story. "Even though the piñata was just something I liked, I’m sure others have their own thoughts about it. A lot of accidents have happened with this piece, but they’ve all turned out really well. I think it’s because I think so much about the concepts before making the work, and when accidents do happen, it just falls into place. I’m really glad I put it in here because it wasn’t part of my initial plan, and I love the weird shadow projections it creates. I just wish it was projected more fully. If these doors didn’t have the light, I could do something really cool with it, but I think this piece will live on its own after this exhibition. It works in this space, but I could see it developing further."

Moving on "as for the piece with the playground, I was thinking about the same idea with the piñata. The photos I have of my grandparents’ house show me, my siblings, and my cousins digging holes and hitting piñatas. So, I found this Little Tike's on a playground and covered it with molding paste and acrylic paint, making it a bright pink. It’s inspired by something called Baker Miller Pink, a color used in a jail that’s believed to calm people down. I just really love the color pink anyway. It’s sitting on some coffee grounds, which I used to make it look like dirt, and you can even smell it. Memory and smell are closely linked, so I thought it would be a good addition to the exhibition.

The items around it—like the necklace, doll parts, and a shell—are all significant to me. The shell reminds me of South Padre, which is only an hour’s drive from my mom’s house. Also, when you pick up a shell and hold it to your ear, it makes that magical sound as if you're communicating with something else. I don’t know how that works, but it’s a part of the memory for me." Y'know I was wondering what that smells was. It was familiar, it was reminisencent. I didn't own a playground per say because for starters I'm an only child. When I went to my friend's house or cousin's house they had one of these or something a bit bigger. They had siblings which maybe is the reason why? Whenever we did play together or parents would be watching us drinking their coffee. It reminded me of my family friend's Renee's house. She had this backyard with a club house, trampoline and a swimming pool they would whip out during the summer. This is where the memories of the "indoor" and "outdoor" scene kicked in for me. Our dad's doing bbq and our moms inside making the sides/making coffee to come outside with. As Vic continues to share, it also reminded me of the toys that laid bare around these areas of play. I remember this godzilla figure that was always there standing on a brick by the trampoline. Always in the same spot. Little things that "are all significant to me."

Vic continues by saying "Play is really important in my work. I feel like I needed to give little me a chance to shine in this exhibition. Growing up, I was the baby of the family, and my room was the toy room before I was born. All the toys were in my room, and I was very spoiled." In my neighborhood, there’s a señora who lives at the end of the colonia, and she has two of these playgrounds, and eight children running around and they also have cats. No one else in the neighborhood has one, a playground but she does. She’s a grandma, after all. I remember she even walked to our house once to get nopales, and my mom was so surprised, asking if she walked all the way from her house. She said, "Yes, I really wanted one," and my mom offered to deliver them to her. It’s such a sweet memory I just remembered right now. Vic ends the topic on this piece by saying "This connects with the idea of grandparents giving their grandkids whatever they want. It’s interesting because I knew a different version of my grandma, one that my mom didn’t know. This is who my grandma was to me, and it was with her disease, so it’s such an interesting concept to know someone in a different part of their life. Grandparents get less strict as the years go on, and they give their grandkids whatever they want, while moms and dads are like, 'They were really strict with me growing up.'" I can't say I know my grandparents too much besides the stories shared at the dinner table, which I enjoy. I think about it at times for sure.

One the final piece: "This piece is called Till Death Do Us Part. When I first thought about the pool, I was thinking about how water reflects the sun, like at the beach or in the ocean, and how it glistens. I wondered if I could replicate that with a kiddie pool. When I tested it, I used a flashlight, and, of course, I didn’t get the same effect as the sun, but I realized it was reflecting. That’s when I decided to use a video of myself. The video is of me doing mundane things, like doing my makeup, drinking coffee, and reading. There are moments when it’s very close up to my face, and I made myself look older using makeup. I wanted to capture those details, thinking about archiving and how we preserve memories. I think it creates an interesting conversation between old me and little me, with the kiddie pool representing childhood and me looking older. The reflection in the water ties into this idea. It’s a colorful piece, and I think it does something really cool." From the "outside to the inside" look this exhibition creates. Thinking about it, it comes full circle? Talking about memories, memories wishing to preserve, Victoria's mom and their feelings as their mom get older. The childhood memories, the self-perspectives Victoria is putting themselves in especially in Tender Cuts for example. Now Till Death Do Us Part confronting a conversation with their younger self and confronting the inevitable being age, growing older. Especially for the final piece in the back of the exhibition, in the corner. Looking at Victoria, looking at the reflection of the kiddie pool and the projection of the wall. Past, present, future? Hmmm. Victoria continues by saying "Earlier, I mentioned my mom’s eyes having a blue ring, and I think that connects with the shape and color of the pool. It reminds me of Alzheimer's, and how it progresses—gradually fading, the way memories fade." I’m terrified that my dad could eventually get Alzheimer’s, and the thought of it is overwhelming. It feels like an embodiment of what could happen in the future, especially knowing that Alzheimer’s is something that can be passed down. That’s something I’ve been nervous about for a while. This piece feels like the final one in the exhibition—like a turning point. It represents the memory of everything, from childhood to now. It’s a reflection on time passing, on aging, and on the fragility of memory. "I’ve been really anxious about death, to the point where I was making myself sick with the constant worry. So, I tried to channel that into this work, almost like a moment of release: accepting that we all die, and that I might get Alzheimer’s too, or something else. But there’s nothing I can do, so I need to stop worrying and just live. It’s a hard thing to accept, but it’s also a kind of letting go."

Photo by Maryssa Rose Chavez

Now that you’ve had your solo show, is there anything else you want to work on or pursue after this? Is there something in here that you want to adapt or expand on?

"Yeah, I think a lot of people have had reactions to the pool, the sink, and the piñata. For some reason, everybody talks about that projection on the piñata. Earlier, I was thinking maybe I could do something else with that. It works well in the show with all the separate pieces, but now I’m thinking of focusing on just one piece. Like, let’s say, the playground. I could project onto it and have things coming out of it—just more elements. I’m very much the kind of person who loves hard, talks loud, laughs loud—sometimes it’s overwhelming. So, I want to bring all of that energy into my work. I want to add even more layers, like I’ve been talking about, and maybe incorporate sound as well. But I also think I need to take a break for a little bit before I dive into creating again. I have to move, and there’s a lot to sort out. I have so much stuff—so much! A lot of it is household objects, things I’ve collected over time, and they all somehow relate to my art. But right now, I need to sort through it all and get rid of some things. I think I just need to take a step back and then come back stronger and more focused."

This is Forget Me Not by Vic